Your Body, Your Rules

What, another post, and so soon? Well, yes. I haven’t been blogging in a couple of weeks and I have some catching up to do.

I read an interesting post by the friend of a friend about body hair. In other words, a woman’s body hair. In other other words, this is THAT post about body hair. You know, the one nobody wants to talk about.

This isn’t about body shaming; in fact, it’s just the opposite. I hope that my thoughts on this issue will help you ladies see that your body is YOUR wonderland, and whatever you want to do that makes you happy/comfortable/content is your choice. Nay, it is your RIGHT.

So, the condensed post pretty much comes down to this: It’s your body. Do whatever the hell you want. Don’t bother asking your lover what he wants you to do with your body, because, well, it’s none of his business.

I commented on her post leaving my fierce approval. I don’t understand the fascination with going bare. Sure, I may have tried it myself in my turbulent twenties, but it’s not something I persisted with. Nor do I advocate it. (However, if you want to do that, it’s fine by me. This is more about the ‘ask your partner what he wants’ thing.)

Of course a few people responded positively and then there were some people who dissented, as is the way with most things. One particular commenter implied that it was important to ask your partner and involve them because it was important what they wanted.

Uhm.

It’s important what they want in every other area. Absolutely. A relationship is a partnership is an equal thing. But nobody has the right to tell you what their preferences are when it comes to your body. Nobody. It has nothing to do with your sexuality, or his/your sexual preferences. It has everything to do with the fact that your body is YOURS.

In many cultures (including here) women typically remove all their body hair (from below their necks) so as to be completely bare in preparation for their wedding nights. I’m given to understand that this is a one-time thing and there are no ‘rules’ about what one does afterwards.

I have to say that the concept of changing your body or your habits to appease your partner disturbs me. I personally have a distaste for facial hair in men, yet, when I fell in love with a man who has always had a beard (his entire adult life) I never once demanded that he remove it simply to suit me. It wasn’t my place, I felt, what he did with his facial hair and his comfort zone (he felt that he had a small chin and had grown accustomed to his beard). Now imagine if I’d gone rampaging into that relationship with those demands.

One of my friends had a breast enlargement recently to make her boyfriend happy; I was amazed and aghast at her decision to do so. She now suffers from lower back pain and shooting pains in her right breast, but her boyfriend wanted it, so hey. Where is it going to end? Why do we feel the need to change ourselves because the people who purportedly love us for who we are suddenly decide that they don’t? What will she/we do next? Starve ourselves? Have our ankles thinned? Go back to wearing corsets that give us wasp waists? Refuse to age?

And is that what we need to do to be loved? Because that’s too high a price to pay.

3 Comments

  • Avatar
    Abhishek Srivastava 21st November 2012 at 12:06 pm

    I think I will take your viewpoint of “everyone has a right to make their own decisions(as long as they don’t harm others ofcourse)” a bit further. If someone *wants* to make minor changes to please their partner, they do have the right to do that too. Mind you, I agree that your partner should not be dictating stuff to you. But, if your partner complains about your new mustache prickling her while pit-swapping, it is perfectly okay for them to do so. And whether you choose to ignore their complaint, or shave off the follicle outgrowth to make them happy, are also BOTH okay.

    I see nothing wrong with consulting your partner on getting their input too, if you were willing to accommodate their preferences and opinions too. Buying a new car? I would totally take my wife’s opinion and compromise if necessary. It is *our* money after all. And if she asks my opinion on whether she should get a nose-piercing, and refrained from it since I find her more attractive without one, well that does makes me happy.(Implicit is that I would not make any changes to myself either, without considering/negotiating with her). In other words, I see nothing wrong with asking your partner for their opinion/preference if it is a two-way thing to keep it fair.

    But yeah, I would draw the line at demanding extreme or permanent changes, like the breast reduction example you gave. Ugh. Relationships can pretty much involve minor negotiations and some minor give-and-take but if someone is insisting on having you undergo pain and discomfort just for their own pleasure and preference, you don’t really have a real relationship in the first place.

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    • Avatar
      Awanthi @ Sybaritic Pleasures 21st November 2012 at 12:12 pm

      Absolutely; I’ve said in my post that in every other aspect of the relationship it is about being equal partners. I just think that as far as your body goes, it’s about your rules; in other words, what you want, goes. 🙂

      Reply
  • Avatar
    Awanthi @ Sybaritic Pleasures 24th November 2012 at 1:28 pm

    Hi Tvaraj,

    Since you haven’t responded to my many comments and e-mails, I just wanted to let you know that I don’t want you to copy and paste my blog posts unless you’re reblogging them. You’re in violation of copyright laws anyway.

    Thanks.

    Reply

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