The C Scare

Lymphoma? I don’t know. Nobody does yet.

I’ve had some weird symptoms going on with me for a few months; swollen lymph nodes that leak (I know; it sounds gross) from time to time, constant exhaustion and lack of energy, and an elevated body temperature.

So, I had a battery of tests done yesterday, and I’ve been poked and prodded to within an inch of my life. I’ll know on Wednesday.

If it’s not you, Cancer, I will be grateful. But if it is you, then it means that you have finally found me. The lump in my right breast turned out to be benign a few years ago, but I had to watch helplessly as you took away two people I loved very very much. I have been so afraid of you my entire life; you have terrorised my dreams and my waking moments. You scare me more than anything else ever could.

But it’s okay to be afraid of monsters; I’ll just be glad to know, one way or the other, what the matter is with me. Then I can take it in my stride and move on.

20 Comments

  • stace8383 16th December 2012 at 3:03 pm

    I guess me trying to reassure you would be a bit like you trying to tell me that spiders are really ok, huh? It doesn’t matter how logical or sensible it is, it just won’t get through. Just stay strong, that’s all, try to keep going, distract yourself, just live.

    Reply
    • Awanthi @ I Speak Awanthi 16th December 2012 at 3:05 pm

      Thanks. I’ll be a bit better to live with once I know. Wednesday can’t come soon enough. I’ll do my best to distract myself.

      Reply
  • VroonMenon 16th December 2012 at 3:11 pm

    Be strong.

    Reply
    • Awanthi @ I Speak Awanthi 17th December 2012 at 10:37 am

      I’m doing my best. 🙂

      Reply
      • VroonMenon 19th December 2012 at 11:26 pm

        Hey. You results were supposed to be out today? I’ve been keeping you in my prayers. Hope everything is ok? Take care

        Reply
      • Awanthi @ I Speak Awanthi 27th December 2012 at 8:08 pm

        You are so kind; thank you, Varun. It’s not cancer, but there are some weird things happening with me (like numerous benign tumours showing up in my thyroid). So I’ve got some extra tests to do and I want a second opinion, so all that is in the works. But it’s not cancer. 🙂 How are you doing?

        Reply
  • Kafkaesque 16th December 2012 at 3:40 pm

    Whatever you need, whenever you need it, I’m here for you.

    Reply
  • Mojo 16th December 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Love You

    Reply
  • Linda Maloly 16th December 2012 at 9:43 pm

    Will keep you in my thoughts. Yes, trying to distract yourself will be a good thing. Fear is always so much worse when we have to wait for answers.

    Reply
  • Strangebee 16th December 2012 at 11:08 pm

    Distractions are always good! You are in my thoughts as we wait for Wednesday! <3

    Reply
  • Dionne 17th December 2012 at 4:19 am

    Oh no, take good care and I wish you good health (and good news).

    Reply
  • Dionne 22nd December 2012 at 4:51 am

    Thinking about you today…

    Reply
    • Awanthi @ I Speak Awanthi 27th December 2012 at 8:09 pm

      Thank you for being so kind and checking in with me, Dionne. 🙂 You’ll be happy to know that it’s not cancer, but there are some weird things happening with me (like numerous benign tumours showing up in my thyroid). So I’ve got some extra tests to do and I want a second opinion, so all that is in the works. But it’s not cancer. 🙂 How are you doing?

      Reply
      • Dionne 28th December 2012 at 5:58 am

        What a relief…I am happy it is not cancer. But I’m sorry your body is doing some weird things. More tests and second opinions are always a good idea. As for me, I’m looking forward to some days off from work. I hope you have a wonderful new year and I hope you have a chance to rest (and write)! Cheers!

        Reply
        • Awanthi @ I Speak Awanthi 28th December 2012 at 10:45 am

          Thank you, Dionne! I hope you have a great holiday at home with your sweet family. I wish you all a wonderful new year as well; may your muse never leave you! 🙂

          Reply

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