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There’s been so much noise in my life lately. I don’t mean actual noise – that’s not something you get a lot of when you live alone with two cats. Cats are restful creatures, which is one of the most awesome things about them. I guess I mean that there’s been a lot of written noise in my life, and it’s getting to the stage where I’m starting to consider it noise, and not, say, some sort of song that is the backdrop to my otherwise rather quiet life.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m opinionated too, and I have a lot to say. But unlike most – well, a lot of – other people – I go through moments of silences that could last for a day, a week, or even a month. I’m not sure why this is, but I do know that this is the reason why I’m not really the best candidate for Twitter. I’ll chatter away endlessly to the ether several times a day for a while, and then – bam. Silence. Not a sound. Nada. All quiet on Planet Awanthi.

It isn’t intentional, but it happens, and as someone who spends her life painfully aware of every little thing she thinks and does (which then requires dissection and examination in a petri dish under the microscope of life), I’ve begun to realise that I do it a lot. Some friends call it my ‘running and hiding’ phase; this isn’t entirely true. I have neither run, nor am I hiding. In fact, I’m in plain view of the interwebs. I’m available to chat at certain points during the day on MSN Messenger, which they are aware of. I’m on Facebook, even if I’m not saying very much. In fact, the only social networking site that doesn’t see me during this time is Twitter (sorry, my fellow Twits).

I’m constantly amazed at the people who never seem to shut up. I’m not sure if it’s because they really feel the need to share every single thought they think is clever and/or original, or if they think the world really cares what they’re saying/eating/thinking/feeling/doing. For the most part, the world notices. I’m not sure if it cares, but it sits up and takes notice. There is always someone to notice someone else, especially on Facebook, and every single status update will get some sort of recognition, even if it is a passing comment, or a smiley, or heck, even a ‘like’. And if a status update doesn’t get any of the above – disaster! Time to try again in an hour or so, and perhaps the next status update will get x number of comments and/or likes, and perhaps, just perhaps, it will be some humdinger of a thought that will break their all-time record of likes and/or  comments. Because, believe it or not, it’s all about the numbers, baby.

As a writer, I can most emphatically tell you that it’s not just about the pleasure of writing. If it were we’d be churning out books, articles, and novellas and handing them out to people, free of charge. No, it’s about statistics. I want to be read. I _will_ check the site stats on my blog everyday. I _will_ try to sell my book _to_ a publisher _for_ a fee. I don’t want to give the world something for nothing. I want to pay my rent, put food on the table, and take care of myself and the people who depend on me (my cats). Yes, I write because I must, but I sell my words because I must, too.

So it is about comments and likes, it is about page views, it is about the number of times you’ve been retweeted and favourited, and it is about being liked. It’s a popularity contest, at the end of the day. It really is. It’s about ratings and reviews and stars after the name of your work and awards and recognition. Recognition. I could lap that up like my cat laps milk (well, he would if he liked milk, but he doesn’t).

I think my period of silence has ended again, and I’m back to updating my blog; my status updates are becoming more frequent, and a heck of a lot more verbose. I like being liked, and I like being read. I may not chatter away to you willy nilly, and I may not jibber-jabber; I may not be in your face with all my ‘blah blah blah’, and I’d like to think I’m not spouting balderdash. I won’t tell you when I’m off to shower, and I won’t say good night to you when I go sleep (you as in the interwebs – don’t go getting needy on me now). I won’t bore you with status updates on the hour, every hour, and I won’t feel the need to tell you that my hair’s growing out again (it is).

I won’t even tell you what I had for breakfast.

(Unless it was mushrooms on toast.)

10 Comments

  • jo f (@httpoet) 8th March 2012 at 6:14 pm

    I’m only the 999,999th visitor to your blog. I haven’t won an iPhone, but I have won $2000 worth of supermarket vouchers.

    Since iPhones cost less than $2000, I think I’ll buy one with the money I’ll save on groceries.

    Reply
    • Awanthi Vardaraj 8th March 2012 at 9:06 pm

      Go straight to jail. Do not collect 200 rupees. Do not pass go.

      Reply
  • lundunlass 8th March 2012 at 6:38 pm

    Of course it’s all about the numbers and anyone who says any different is lying. xD

    That said, I’m the second person to comment on this great post. xD

    Reply
  • Strangebee 8th March 2012 at 8:55 pm

    I prefer to think of it as a person taking private time. I get a little weirded out when someone has to constantly update their friends on how their day is going. I believe this is why I don’t do Twitter. Even noisier than Facebook is.
    I wouldn’t be nearly as noisy myself if I didn’t have certain family members pestering me for updates on the boy. I don’t post something for a day and there are concerned emails or messages about it. Ugh.
    Also, I am your 70th follower! <3 (I swear I had subscribed before.)

    Reply
    • Awanthi Vardaraj 8th March 2012 at 9:04 pm

      Whee! I know what you mean about Twitter. I find I need to be in a tweeting sort of mood, and that happens but rarely these days.

      Reply
  • Martin (ninja physicist) 8th March 2012 at 9:06 pm

    I got the impression that people who put up status updates about every single thing in their lives look for recognition. “I matter, damnit!” Lacking any response they get anxious. Good friends are hard to find and if they don’t hear some kind of response from anyone, even a complete stranger, they feel lonely. I’m talkative myself but sometimes a bath plus book is what makes my day.

    Reply
    • Awanthi Vardaraj 8th March 2012 at 9:09 pm

      I know what you mean. I mean, I know I seek approval as well, and anybody who says they work at their craft solely for the pleasure of working at their craft is lying. That said and done, it’s only my work I seek approval for. I mean, I know my friends approve of me. I don’t have to jump up and down waving my hands at them to get their attention all day, every day. 🙂

      Welcome to my blog!

      Reply
      • Martin (ninja physicist) 8th March 2012 at 9:22 pm

        I DO jump up and down but no one can see it online. :/ It just confuses my cat. 😛 Thanks!

        Reply

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