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Two Homes

For some reason, people think it’s incredibly romantic when I tell them that my soul belongs to two countries.

It’s hard for people to understand that I don’t belong in terms of nationality, either. In terms of nationality, I am all Indian.

It’s incredibly difficult to straddle continents the way I do, for when I am in one country my soul longs for the other, and vice versa. In my ideal world I think I would like to divide my time between both countries, equally.

When I am away from one for too long, I feel loss and homesickness. But above all this I feel a sense of desolation and betrayal, and it is hard to put that into words.

There is no romance surrounding the splitting of one’s soul; there is no romance in having two homes.


  • kst 28th March 2012 at 1:27 am

    I have a good idea of what you mean as I feel similar, although slightly less strongly, about the US and France. I haven’t been to France now in 10 years and I get very homesick for a country that I adopted in my heart, even though I’ve physically only been there twice.

    • Awanthi Vardaraj 28th March 2012 at 11:35 am

      I completely understand your situation, and I empathise. Thank you for stopping by, and for your kind comment.

  • Linda Maloly 23rd April 2012 at 9:06 am

    I would never see romance in your feelings…they are immensely sad! It’s easy for me to understand your sadness and longing because I have similar feelings about America and Ireland. I love the U.S.A, but Ireland is definitely part of my heart and soul. Sadly I’ve only been there once and my heart accepts that it’s unlikely I will ever be able to return. I love my country, but Ireland speaks to my heart and soul – it always will. My wish and prayer for you is that you’ll someday be able to split your time…always “Believe” in your dream, Awanthi! How wonderful that would be!!


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